Why You Feel Like You're Going Crazy

You can function perfectly at work. You manage projects. You make decisions. People respect your judgment.

But at home? Or in your own head? You can't trust anything.

You question whether things actually happened the way you remember them. You doubt your own feelings. You hear yourself say "maybe I'm overreacting" before you've even finished having the reaction.

And sometimes—probably more often than you'd admit to anyone—you wonder if you're actually going crazy.

You're not going crazy.

What you're experiencing has a name. It's called gaslighting—and it does very specific things to your brain. Things that make you feel exactly like you're losing your mind, even though your mind is working exactly the way it was designed to work.

Today, I'm going to explain what gaslighting actually does to your brain—why you doubt yourself, why you can't trust your memories, why making simple decisions feels impossible. And then I'm going to give you three reality-testing practices you can start using today to begin rebuilding self-trust.

I'm Tania. I spent years believing I was crazy, too sensitive, making things up—until I learned what had actually been done to my brain. Understanding gaslighting didn't just validate me. It freed me.

What Gaslighting Actually Is

Let's start with what gaslighting actually is—because the term gets thrown around a lot, and I want you to understand exactly what we're talking about.

Gaslighting is a deliberate manipulation tactic designed to make you doubt your own reality so that someone else can control you.

It's not miscommunication. It's not "different perspectives." It's not "we remember things differently." It's a systematic campaign to make you trust them more than you trust yourself.

Here's what it sounds like:

Sound familiar?

If you heard these phrases repeatedly—if they became the background noise of your relationship—your brain was under attack. Not physically, but psychologically. And psychological attacks leave real, measurable effects.

Here's the thing: Gaslighting works. It works on smart women. It works on educated women. It works on women who are competent and capable in every other area of their lives. It works because it's designed to work. It exploits the way human brains process conflicting information.

Falling for gaslighting isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign you were targeted by someone who understood exactly how to manipulate your mind.

What Gaslighting Does to Your Brain

Now let me explain what's actually happening in your brain—because understanding this is the first step to healing.

The Reality Conflict

When you experience something—let's say you hear yelling—your brain registers that experience as real. You heard it. Your body went into stress response. It happened.

But then someone tells you: "I never yelled at you."

Now your brain has a conflict. Your experience says one thing. A person you love or trust is saying something completely different. Your brain has to resolve this conflict somehow.

In healthy situations, you'd think: "That's strange. I know what I heard." And you'd trust your own perception.

But in an abusive relationship, something different happens. The gaslighter has already primed you to doubt yourself. They've said "you're too sensitive" enough times that you start to believe it. They've told you "you remember things wrong" so often that you actually wonder if you do.

So when your brain tries to resolve the conflict between your experience and their denial, it chooses THEIR version over YOUR own perception. Not because you're weak—but because it's been trained to.

The Self-Doubt Spiral

This creates a devastating spiral. You stop trusting your own perceptions. You start second-guessing your memories. You question your feelings before you even fully feel them.

Eventually, you lose your internal compass—the ability to know what's true based on your own experience. Instead of asking yourself "what did I experience?", you ask "what will they say I experienced?"

Your reality compass—which should point to YOUR truth—gets reprogrammed to point to THEIR version of reality.

The Inner Gaslighter

And here's the worst part: Even after they're gone, their voice stays in your head.

You continue the gaslighting FOR them. "Maybe I'm overreacting." "Perhaps it wasn't that bad." "What if I'm remembering wrong?" That voice isn't yours. It's an internalized abuser. You've been trained so well that you now gaslight yourself.

This is why you feel like you're going crazy. Not because you are crazy—but because someone systematically taught your brain to doubt its own accurate perceptions.

Signs Your Brain Has Been Affected

Here's how you know gaslighting has affected your brain. See how many of these you recognize:

• You can't make simple decisions. Choosing what to eat for lunch feels overwhelming. You need other people to validate even small choices.
• You constantly seek external confirmation. "Did that really happen?" "Am I overreacting?" "Is this normal?" You need other people to tell you what you're experiencing is real.
• You apologize for everything—including things that aren't your fault, including things that aren't even wrong.
• You don't trust your memories. You genuinely wonder if you're remembering things incorrectly, even when you have a clear memory.
• You feel confused most of the time. Things that should be simple feel complicated. Conversations leave you disoriented.
• You minimize your own experiences. "It wasn't that bad." "Other people have it worse." You diminish what happened before anyone else can.

If you recognize yourself in these signs, I need you to hear something: This is not evidence that you're broken. This is evidence that gaslighting worked exactly the way it was designed to work. And if it can be programmed in, it can be programmed out.

Three Reality-Testing Practices

Now let's talk about what actually helps. These are three practices Post-DV Thrivers use to rebuild self-trust systematically. You can start all of them today.

Practice #1: The Reality Record

This is the foundation of gaslighting recovery. You need to rebuild trust in your own reality by creating evidence.

Get a notebook or use your phone. Create two columns: "What I Was Told" and "What I Know Was True."

Fill in 3-5 examples from your past. This isn't about proving anything to anyone else. This is about creating written evidence that YOUR reality was valid all along. Your brain has been trained to doubt. This trains it to trust again.

Practice #2: The Perception Check

Gaslighting makes you constantly seek external validation. This practice rebuilds your internal compass.

Throughout your day, practice noticing your own experience WITHOUT seeking validation from anyone else. Here's the process:

Do this five times today with small things. No one else needs to validate your hunger, your tiredness, or your emotions. Your perception is valid. Practice believing that.

Practice #3: The Voice Separator

Remember the inner gaslighter—the voice that continues their work? This practice helps you separate their voice from YOUR voice.

When you hear self-doubt, ask yourself three questions:

1. "Is this something THEY used to say?"
2. "Is this how THEY made me feel?"
3. "What would I tell my best friend in this situation?"

Then rewrite the thought:

Here's a power move: Give your inner gaslighter a ridiculous name. "Oh, that's just Gaslight Gary talking." This creates separation and removes power. It sounds silly, but it works.

Your Next Steps

Here's what I want you to take from this:

First—you're not going crazy. You're experiencing the measurable effects of gaslighting on your brain. It's not a flaw in you. It's something that was done to you.

Second—gaslighting reprograms your brain to doubt itself. Your reality compass got pointed to someone else's North instead of your own. That can be fixed.

Third—Post-DV Thrivers rebuild self-trust systematically. Not through positive thinking, but through consistent practice. The Reality Record. The Perception Check. The Voice Separator. These work.

Fourth—if the programming can be installed, it can be uninstalled. Your brain is adaptable. It learned to doubt itself because it was forced to. It can learn to trust itself again.

And if you're ready for more support, explore my coaching programs—from group courses to 1:1 VIP coaching. I'm here to walk this path with you.