You're functioning.
You go to work. You pay your bills. You handle your responsibilities. From the outside, you look like you have it together.
But here's my question: When was the last time you felt genuinely alive?
Not just getting through the day. Not just checking things off a list. But actually present, actually enjoying something, actually excited about your own life?
If you had to think about it... if your answer was "I don't know" or "It's been a while"... this article is for you.
Because there's a big difference between surviving and living.
And a lot of women—especially women who've been through difficult relationships—get stuck in survival mode long after the crisis has passed. They think because they're functioning, they must be fine. But functioning isn't thriving. And if no one's told you that before, I'm telling you now.
I'm Tania. And today I'm going to give you a quick 7-question test to find out if you're actually living—or if you've been in survival mode so long you've forgotten what living feels like.
What Is Survival Mode?
Before we take the test, let me explain what survival mode actually is—because most people don't realize they're in it.
Survival mode is a state your nervous system enters when it perceives ongoing threat. It was designed to be temporary—get through the danger, then return to normal.
But when you've been through extended trauma—a difficult relationship, ongoing stress, years of walking on eggshells—your nervous system can get stuck. It doesn't know the crisis is over. So it keeps operating like you're still in danger.
In survival mode, your brain prioritizes three things: avoiding pain, managing threats, and conserving energy. Everything else gets deprioritized. Joy. Creativity. Connection. Dreams. Your sense of self.
That's why survival mode feels like existing, not living. You're not building a life—you're just trying not to fall apart.
And here's what nobody tells you: You can be out of the situation and still be in survival mode. You can be safe now and still be operating like you're not.
The test below will help you see where you actually are. Not where you think you should be. Not where you tell everyone you are. Where you actually are.
Ready? Let's go.
The 7-Question Survival Mode Test
For each question, answer honestly. No one sees your results but you.
1Do you feel like you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop?
Even when things are going well, there's a part of you bracing for something bad to happen. You can't fully relax into good moments because you're always scanning for threat.
2When someone asks what you want, do you struggle to answer?
Not what you should want. Not what other people want from you. What YOU actually want. If you spent years focused on someone else's needs, you may have lost touch with your own wants entirely.
3Do you feel guilty when you rest?
When you sit down to do nothing, does a voice in your head tell you you should be doing something? Do you feel like rest is lazy, weak, or something you haven't earned?
4Do you have trouble imagining your future?
When you think about five years from now, is it blank? Vague? Does it feel pointless to plan because who knows what could happen?
5Do you feel disconnected from your body?
Are you often unaware of being hungry, tired, or in pain until it's extreme? Do you live mostly "in your head"? Do you feel numb, or like your body is just a vehicle you operate?
6Do you struggle to feel joy, even when good things happen?
Something good happens—a promotion, a compliment, a beautiful day—and you know you should feel happy. But the feeling doesn't come. Or it comes weakly, briefly, like it can't quite break through.
7If you're being honest—do you feel like you're just going through the motions?
You do what you're supposed to do. You show up. You function. But underneath it all, there's a sense of emptiness. A flatness. Like you're performing your life more than living it.
Your Result
The Shift from Surviving to Thriving
So what's the difference between surviving and thriving? Let me make it concrete.
Survival Mode
- Reactive. You respond to whatever's happening. You put out fires. You manage crises.
- Disconnected—from your body, your emotions, your desires, sometimes from other people.
- The future is blank or terrifying.
- Rest feels like failure.
Thriving
- Creative. You're building something. You're moving toward a vision, not just away from pain.
- Connected. You feel things. You want things. You're present in your own life.
- The future is something you're building—with purpose, with intention, with hope.
- Rest is part of the design. You know that doing nothing is sometimes the most productive thing you can do.
The Shift Isn't Instant—But It's Possible
Moving from survival mode to thriving isn't about flipping a switch. Your nervous system learned to stay in protection mode over time, and it unlearns it over time too.
But here's what I want you to know: It IS possible. Women do this all the time. They move from just getting through the day to actually loving their lives. From feeling numb to feeling alive. From existing to thriving.
The difference between survivors who stay stuck and those who thrive isn't strength or luck. It's awareness plus intentional action. They see where they are, and they do the work to shift it.
Three Things You Can Start Doing Today
If you scored in survival mode, here are three things you can start doing today:
1. Practice Noticing Without Fixing
Start paying attention to your internal state—your body, your emotions, your thoughts—without immediately trying to change or manage them.
Just notice. "I'm tense." "I'm tired." "I'm anxious." This builds the connection between you and yourself that survival mode severed. You can't heal what you can't feel.
2. Give Yourself Permission for Pleasure
Do one small thing this week purely because it feels good. Not because it's productive. Not because you should. Because you want to.
A bath. A walk. Music you love. A meal you actually enjoy. Your nervous system needs evidence that pleasure is safe. Start giving it that evidence.
3. Ask Yourself What You Want
Every day, ask yourself: "What do I want right now?" It can be tiny. A cup of tea. Quiet. A hug. Fresh air.
The point isn't to always get what you want. The point is to rebuild the muscle of desire. In survival mode, you stopped asking. Start asking again.
These three practices won't transform your life overnight. But they will start signaling to your nervous system that survival mode isn't needed anymore. That you're safe. That you can start to live.
Survival Mode Is Not a Life Sentence
I spent years in survival mode. Even after I left my abusive marriage, I was still operating like I was in crisis. Functioning, but not living. Getting through days, not enjoying them.
If I had taken this test back then, I would have scored a 7. Easily.
Today, I take it and score a 0. Not because my life is perfect—but because I'm actually in it. I feel things. I want things. I rest without guilt. I can imagine my future because I'm the one building it.
That shift didn't happen by accident. It happened because I did the work. And that same shift is available to you.
Your Next Steps
Here's what I want you to take from this:
First—if you're in survival mode, you're not broken. You're responding to what you've been through. And recognizing it is the first step to changing it.
Second—functioning is not the same as living. You deserve more than just getting through. You deserve to actually be present in your own life.
Third—the shift from surviving to thriving is possible. It's not instant, but it's real. And it starts with awareness and intentional action.
Download Your Free Guide
Specifically designed to help you start moving from survival mode to actually building a life you love.
Get: 5 Steps to Reclaim Your IdentityAnd if you're ready for more support, explore my coaching programs—from group courses to 1:1 VIP coaching. I'm here to walk this path with you.
Before You Go
You've been in survival mode long enough.
It kept you safe when you needed it. But you don't need it anymore.
It's time to start living.
Know someone who's functioning but not living? Share this test with them.